CR 7 TOES

 "Did you hear about Cristiano Ronaldo?" Clive asked his best mate.
 "What about him?" said Alan.
 "About his feet."
 "His feet?"
 "Yeah, it´s just been announced that he has seven toes on each foot," replied Clive with a completely straight face.
  "No way man!" Alan was having none of it.
  "It´s true Alan, says so in Marca and it´s all over the internet."
  "You´re totally pulling my leg."
  "I´m not, I swear. They´re saying that the seven toes are the reason he´s such a good player."
  "Are you serious?"
  "Deadly serious man."
  "You´re not having me on?" asked Alan, as he started to believe it might be true.
  "It´s gospel Alan. Think about it, seven toes give him a massive advantage. Apparently it´s why he´s awesome at free-kicks, and it's the reason he's known as CR7"
  "Yeah that does make sense."
  "And have you ever seen his feet?" Clive asked.
  "No."
  "Exactly. I mean, Ronaldo will take his shirt off any chance he gets to show off his body but we´ve never seen his feet. Those golden feet. The feet which define him. And he´s never shown them to the world; suspicious."
  "This is crazy," said Alan, "though I must say that I did always suspect something about him. Are the photos online?" he asked as he pulled his mobile phone out of his pocket.
  "Of course they´re not, April Fool," shouted Clive laughing his head off, "you totally fell for it mate."
Alan went red in the face.

APRIL FOOLS' DAY AND THE MOST FAMOUS HOAX STORY EVER

The first recorded connection between foolishness and April 1st was made in Geoffrey Chaucer´s The Canterbury Tales in the year 1392, while further references can be found in poems and stories throughout the following centuries in various other European countries.

Since the 19th Century, the day has come to be known as April Fools' Day. A day for playing pranks and telling fibs to your family and friends. In the UK, this custom has also been adopted by the media and most newspapers and news stations will include one joke story in their April 1st editions.

Perhaps the most famous of these was put out by the BBC in 1957, when the BBC current affairs programme Panorama broadcast a piece on spaghetti farming in Switzerland. The news story showed a family harvesting spaghetti from spaghetti trees after a very mild winter. At the time spaghetti was relatively unknown in the UK and most people didn't know that it was made from wheat flour and water.  The piece was so convincing that the BBC received hundreds of phone calls from people asking how they could grow their own spaghetti tree.

WOULDN'T IT BE JUST LOVELY IF ONE HAD TWO BIRTHDAYS

Buckingham Palace, London, February, 7, 1954

The Queen of the United Kingdom poses for an official photograph with her husband, Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, and others.

THE QUEEN: I say Philip dear.
PHILIP, DUKE OF EDINBURGH: Yes my love.
THE QUEEN: It is awfully boring only having one birthday.
PHILIP, DUKE OF EDINBURGH: One can only be born once my love.
THE QUEEN: Yes but I am the Queen.
PHILIP, DUKE OF EDINBURGH: You are indeed, and never tire of letting me know it.
THE QUEEN: Oh Philip, really, wouldn't it be just lovely if one had two birthdays. Be a good hubby and make it happen.
PHILIP, THE DUKE OF EDINBURGH: Your Majesty, I believe you have forgotten that you already do have two birthdays.
THE QUEEN: Oh yes of course, you're right. Lucky me!
PHILIP, DUKE OF EDINBURGH: Yes, lucky you. Now let's take this wretched photograph so I can get back to my club.

Today, April 21st, is the Queen's 92nd birthday. It is usually a private day so she will no doubt enjoy some afternoon tea and scones in the gardens of one of her palaces before a celebratory dinner. Her closest family will be there for sure. Prince William with Kate, Prince Harry with Megan; and she'll probably be forced to invite Prince Charles and Camilla too. A proper old family get-together. And who knows, she might even let her hair down and have an extra glass or two of sherry as she parties the night away.

But before her Majesty knows it, all her presents will have been opened and the day will be over. Some would feel quite sad at this moment. But not her Majesty. Because unlike the rest of us, she needn't wait another year until her next birthday. The Queen is not like everybody else. She has two birthdays.

Elizabeth was born on April 21st, 1926. Raised by her parents, The Duke and Duchess of York, she became heir to the throne in 1936 when her Uncle, King Edward VIII abdicated and her father was crowned King George VI.

For the next sixteen years she would enjoy only one birthday per year until she acceded to the throne in 1952 and became the Queen.

Sovereigns in the United Kingdom enjoy two birthdays per year. The Queen's actual birthday (today) is marked publicly by a 41 gun salute in Hyde Park, London; a 21 gun salute in Windsor Central Park and a 62 gun salute at the Tower of London. While her official birthday, which includes a parade at Buckingham Palace, takes place on the second Saturday in June when there is better chance of nice weather. What a lucky old girl!

Summer Music

There is no Glastonbury this year as the site of perhaps the most famous music festival of them all takes a year off. But the UK is buzzing with action throughout the summer as always and so there are plenty of options if this is your kind of thing.

Starting in 1970, The Glastonbury Festival was inspired by the hippy counterculture and is considered the major music event of the summer. It is in fact the largest greenfield festival in the world and attracts around 175,000 people each year.

If it isn't your scene however, then how about something more formal. 

The Last Night of the Proms is a patriotic night which brings an end to the summer season of the Proms. More formally known as the Henry Wood Promenade Concerts presented by the BBC, this eight-week period of summer consists of daily orchestral classical music concerts which take place throughout the country, both indoors and outdoors. The predominant venue however is the Royal Albert Hall and it is here that the Last Night of the Proms is performed. Not only is the event enjoyed by the thousands in attendance, but it is also broadcast live on radio and television, as well as being shown on big screens in parks all over the country.

The Last Night concert sees the waving of British flags as the nation sings along to classical patriotic pieces like Pomp and Circumstance, Land of Hope and Glory, Rule Britannia, Jerusalem, and the God Save The Queen. If you´re in the UK this summer and have a chance to go to a Proms concert, don´t hesitate to enjoy this truly British experience.

JUST HOW BAD IS BRITISH WEATHER?

If there is one thing the British love to do, it is talk and moan about the weather. 'It never stops raining', 'it´s too hot today', it's freezing', 'it's so muggy', 'I haven't seen snow like this for years'. Discussing the weather really is one of Britain's favourite pastimes, and Britain's bad weather is one of the world's most famous stereotypes. But just how true is the stereotype?

Like any country, the weather varies from region to region. The south-west for example is very comparable to the north of Spain. An average of 100cm of rainfall per year and very similar levels of sunshine, make life in Cornwall not that different to life in Asturias. While if we compare the south of Spain with the north of England or Scotland, then of course we will see vast differences. In Manchester for example, there are on average 140 days per year which see rain whereas we all know that a resident of Almería is unlikely to see that much rain in their lifetime.

As for the capital, London is perhaps undeserving of its reputation as a rainy city. While it may rain on more days than other places around the world, London's yearly total of precipitation is lower than Rome, Lisbon, Sydney and New York. Its average temperature in July is 24 °C.

One thing that cannot be denied however is the unpredictability of UK weather. If you're planning any outdoor event, from picnics in the park to weddings, to a game of cricket, you will always feel slightly nervous that the rain will destroy your plans.

So, if you come from a dry, sunny part of the world, do not be surprised if you find the UK weather to be a tad cloudy, wet and depressing during your visit. But rest assured, if it is a lousy day, there will always be a pub close by into which you can escape.

Mmmmmm HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Roast Turkey and all the trimmings. Gravy, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. The feast shared in households all over the USA as families get together to celebrate Thanksgiving Day, and eat more than they do on any other day of the year.  Celebrated on the fourth Thursday in the month of November, millions of Americans will be eagerly anticipating the beginning of the holiday this very week when it is time to travel home and take a well-deserved break. Although officially just one day, the Thanksgiving holiday typically sees a large majority of the population taking a long weekend. And with Friday off, this allows plenty of time for everyone to continue stuffing their faces with turkey leftovers all throughout the long weekend. Happy Thanksgiving!

Although Thanksgiving has been celebrated in The US on and off since 1789, it was President Abraham Lincoln who made it an official holiday in 1863 when he proclaimed the last Thursday of November to be a day for giving thanks to 'our Father in Heaven'. However, in 1941 Thanksgiving Day was fixed to the fourth Thursday of the month, meaning that, like this year. it is not always the last Thursday.

Many Americans trace the First US Thanksgiving back to 1621 when 53 Pilgrims to America shared a meal with 90 Native Americans during a three-day feast. But while Thanksgiving Day was originally a harvest festival like many others around the world, when people would thank God for a successful harvest, it has grown into what has become for Americans, the start of the holiday season leading up to Christmas and New Year.

Although the Thanksgiving festivities have come to include things like New York City's nationally televised Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, during which parade floats flow through the streets of  Manhattan's Upper West Side, and important NFL American Football matches which have taken place on the day every since the league's creation; it is still a very traditional day on which age-old customs continue to be observed.

People still give thanks before they eat, in the form of a prayer or with each mealtime participant taking turns to explain what they are thankful for before tucking in. And the Thanksgiving meal still always includes turkey. In fact many people even refer to the day as 'Turkey Day'. This is hardly surprising when one considers the numbers of turkeys consumed. On the fourth Thursday of November, 2015 it was estimated that 85% of Americans ate Turkey, which means around 276 million people eating the same meal at the same time. $1.05 billion spent on 45 million Turkeys. That's a lot of turkey. 

New Year Customs

It's midnight and while Londoners and tourists are watching the immense Fireworks Display by the Thames, and Spanish throughout Spain are scoffing down 12 grapes to each stroke of the clock, what is the rest of the world up to as they welcome in the NEW YEAR.

In Japan, they believe that the ringing of bells can eliminate their sins from the previous year. The Watched Night Bell in Tokyo is rung 107 times on the night of the 31st of December and once past midnight.

In Denmark, they like to throw plates at neighbours' houses. The more smashed plates outside your front door, the more good luck you will get in the New Year.

Russians might be famous for their vodka, but on New Year's Eve they write down a wish, burn it and then throw it into a champagne glass. Then they've got to drink it before one minute past midnight.

In Greece, onions are hung on the front door as a symbol of rebirth. Parents then wake up their children the next day by tapping them on the head with an onion.

Italians believe that if they wear red underwear on New Year's Eve, they will meet the year with love, prosperity and good luck

2019, right?

Well yes it is, at least according to the Gregorian calendar. 

Pope Gregory XIII introduced this calendar in October 1582, and it is of course the calendar which is used by the vast majority of the world. The Gregorian calendar is a solar calendar with 12 months of 28-31 days; that means a 365-day year with one day added to February every four years, in what is known in English as a leap year. Originally adopted by Catholic countries of Europe, it was developed to correct the Julian calendar and soon spread around the world. Many protestant countries however, considered the change to be a Catholic plot; the UK for example didn't make the change until 1752, when in order to align with the rest of Europe, the British government eliminated September 3-13 for everyone in Britain and its colonies.

In China it will soon be the year 4717. Although the Chinese adopted the Gregorian calendar in 1912, the traditional Chinese calendar is used for festivals and holidays.

Be Buddhist and jump into the future. It is 2561. Buddha passed away 543 years before Jesus Christ so in many south-east Asian countries, they already know what the future is like.

If you want to feel young again and go back in time, start using the Ethiopian calendar. There's a gap of 7 to 8 years here so it's 2010 again baby!  

Thanks be to Uncle

THANKS BE TO UNCLE

   In the late winter early spring of that year I was visiting my parents who lived in a house in a small town looking across the valley of the old town. There were two churches in the old town and you could see the tops of the two churches from the window of my parents’ house. There was a stream leading down from the house through the valley to the old town. The stream was lined with trees. Hazelnut trees mainly. The trunks of the trees were dusty from the crusty leaves that had fallen in the winter. The new leaves on the trees had grown early that year and a slight breeze rustled the green leaves.

   He lay flat on the brown ground alongside the stream. He was surrounded by the dusty trunks of the hazelnut trees and he was swiping his feet through the old brown leaves on the ground. The ground where he lay sloped gently. It was a kind of bank just up from the stream which flowed on into the old town where the churches were.

  The rain had stopped as I turned the bend and saw him lying there on the bank next to the stream. I could just make him out through all the leafy trees. I was wearing an overcoat. The overcoat was thick and grey. It was warm too and I needed it for the cold. The cold weather had surprised me. I’d expected it to be a lot warmer now spring had arrived.

   He looked different to when I last saw him. Three and half years ago he was already very skinny and looked old, with his wrinkled and tired skin, his bald head with white hairs above his ears, and his hunched over back. But now, as he stood up when he saw me approaching, he looked close to death. He didn’t only look tired in his face but he looked tired of life. When he stood up, he struggled to balance and leant against the trunk of one of the trees to steady himself. I think he wanted to run but age prevented him.

   He wasn’t old. Maybe sixty-five he was now but boy did he look old. His wrinkled face was now pale and purple at the same time. His puckered nose was worn out from a life of whiskey and he was really very skinny and his clothes swamped him and his posture was defeated.

   ‘Hi Uncle,’ I shouted.

   ‘Alright?’ he replied as though he didn’t like talking.

   He wasn’t looking at me in the eyes. He had this habit of looking to the side and twisting his face away from you when he spoke to you.

   ‘What you doing out here?’ I asked him.

   ‘I fancied some fresh air,’ he told me.

   ‘It’s a little bit chilly to be lying on the ground isn’t it?’

   ‘I suppose it is a little cold yeah.’ He scratched the side of his head where the white hairs still grew ever so thinly. ‘I better be getting back anyhow,’ he went on, ‘Charlie’s on his own at home.’

   Charlie was his dog and he was the only thing which gave uncle purpose.

   ‘I’ll walk with you,’ I said, ‘I need to come up to yours.’

   We arrived at his house which was just the other side of the valley to the old town. It was the opposite side to where my parents lived. His house was a flat really. A first floor flat. The steps up to his front door were steep and dangerous. Uncle had already had two accidents on those steps. The accidents were why he wasn’t quite there in the head. At the top of the steps there was a new light which turned on when it sensed movement after dark. My parents had installed it for him a couple of weeks ago he told me.

   Inside the house was tidy. All the furniture was stuff my parents had given him. It was all okay really and I was surprised. Charlie was locked away in uncle’s bedroom to the left as we went in and I could hear him scratching at the door. My parents had told me Charlie was badly behaved and my uncle let him get away with murder.

   He took me into the spare room. The spare room was damp and cold and I grew a little nervous. There was a double bed which uncle hated and a wardrobe in one corner and a small table in the other corner. The window was moist and the wooden windowsill looked rotten. Beneath the table was where my boxes were.

   I’d taken the boxes there three years ago before I’d left. I went over to them. There were five boxes. Three were plastic and two were cardboard boxes. It was the cardboard ones I was worried about with all this damp in the back room. The room was north facing and never got any sun. I opened the cardboard boxes slowly. I was relieved. Everything was okay. I had a quick look inside but it wasn’t there. Then I opened the three large plastic boxes in turn, calmly searching each one until I found it. And there it was. Three years I’d waited. It was purple. Across the River and into the Trees.